I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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