I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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