I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize