Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize