i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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