were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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