Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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