Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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