my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize