so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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