dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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