my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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