come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I did not marry a roomba.
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