What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
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If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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