My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
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Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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