Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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