Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Someone signed my nipple.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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