A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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