i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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