remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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