I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize