went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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