You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize