wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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