we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize