I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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