I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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