I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize