Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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