On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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