that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize