how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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