and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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