I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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