i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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