oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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