did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
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a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This house was built for laser tag.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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