So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
