I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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