She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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