to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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