Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize