My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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