I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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