i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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