Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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