It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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