Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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