Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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