"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
someone owes me an orgasm
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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