I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize